My children were in the clinical trials and are now freaking geniuses.
As parents, we are always looking for a competitive edge for our children. Research about the importance of high protein/high fat diets for early stage infant brain development recently caught our attention. According to Dr. Bill Sears, author of the groundbreaking book The Nutrition Deficit Disorder, in a recent article on Brain Foods:
The most rapid brain growth occurs during the first year of life, with the infant’s brain tripling in size by the first birthday. During this stage of rapid central nervous system growth, the brain uses sixty percent of the total energy consumed by the infant, and the brain itself is sixty percent fat. Fats are major components of the brain cell membrane and the myelin sheath around each nerve. So, it makes sense that getting enough fat and the right kinds of fat can greatly affect brain development and performance. In fact, during the first year, around fifty percent of an infant’s daily calories come from fat.
This got our brains spinning. What about using bacon (which is 65% fat) to deliver these proteins and fats? we thought. Yet babies are not able to consume this most delicious of meats because they lack teeth and digestive systems that can break down solid foods.
So we consulted with pediatricians and began to experiment with drying and grinding bacon into a fine powder, then applying a patent-pending process to concentrate this powder into the most essential nutrients and ingredients for brain development. This potential infant superfood was then added to a test subject’s infant formula.
The results were absolutely impressive. By the age of 4 months, our test subject started to exhibit some amazing abilities including walking and talking. By 6 months of age, she could read and memorize her early stage children’s books and showed an extreme level of coordination and balance – so much so that she was enrolled in gymnastics and ballet with children 5 years older than she was! At two years old, she read her first 300 page book, memorized the Declaration of Independence and (this is absolutely true) began composing her first symphony.
Numerous other tests with similar results – including a very interesting A-B test using twins of an anonymous but very famous celebrity couple – have proven this formula to be just as effective at accelerating brain development in early stage infants.
Based on this and a lot of other research, we are launching a new product: Bacon Baby Infant Formula. It ensures that your infants get the fat, proteins and complex nutrients that they need to excel at an early age, all in a savory, delicious tasting formula. (**Note that we can’t guarantee that your baby will become smarter or more athletic from using this formula, as those particular claims are still undergoing review by the FDA – but we think you’ll be pleased!**)
Currently, we are only allowing people to get on a waiting list for a very small run of this product, and the product will be sent out on a first-come, first-serve basis. We expect a very high demand and have limited production capacity for now, so we suggest getting on the waiting list as soon as possible. We are also launching a Bacon Baby Contest – just email us at BaconBaby@jdfoods.net with a few paragraphs about why your baby deserves to be one of the very first recipients of Bacon Baby Infant Formula. We’ll pick 20 of the best and send out a free lifetime supply of the product once it’s ready.
Yours in Bacon,
Justin & Dave